Revised Introduction

In this post I will share my new and improved introduction and explain the changes that I made. 

1. Original Project 2 Draft
2. Project 2 Draft with new introduction

I focused on the including a better hook that will grab the readers attention. Then I explained the context of the article more to give the readers information about how the designer babies because in my original draft I did not include any background information. I did keep the middle sentence because it gives a great summary of the author's argument and my peer revisers agreed with this. Lastly, I tried to include more detailed points in my thesis and I rearranged the statements to create a better organized essay. 

Dombrowski, Quinn. "Hello my name is." 24 Mar. 2010 via Flickr. Creative Commons.